Guess what? I work with nuns. Nuns! I would never have believed to be in this situation. I am, after all, a non-religious person. Spiritual yes, but religious...I frown at the thought. So of course it's me who is put on this job, to work with brides of Christ. They are lovely people in general, but I can only imagine what they think of me. Unholy. Pagan. Child of Satan. Stupid. And with blond hair above all! Little bitc...eh, who knows.
On my first day I met the head nun, and immediately wanted to wail out 'I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorry!'. It felt like she could see inside my head, what I thought and what I felt. For sure she saw that I had left the church 10 years ago and still hadn't told my mom about it, that my favourite saying is 'oh-my-fucking-god', that on this particular day (which I'm afraid was like most of the other days) I had come to work in yesterday's clothes, with messy hair and so-so make up, straight from my boyfriend's place where we had done unholy things all night long. But I gulped, made my best effort to give a self assured smile and said 'good morning'. I wondered if she went back to the chambers and gossipped about me with the other nuns. Maybe they do that, how do we know.
After starting to work there I keep running into nuns everywhere. Once I saw two of a different sisterhood sitting opposite each other in a bus, both idly looking outside the window. I was surprised they didn't talk to each other. I wanted to say to them 'come ooon, you both work for the same boss, you should have loads to talk about!' In their shoes I would be all:
'Oh hiiii! Fancy being in the same bus!! Which congregation?'
'Noooo way, yeah, what a coincidence! I 'm [insert suitable name of a congregation here please].'
'Oh right, I was looking at your habit, you guys have such lovely clothes and I loooove the colour! So you must work with Father O'Brian!'
'Yeah, you know him?'
'For sure, I just saw him the other day. We made plans...'
At this point the conversation was in danger of getting too dirty, so I stopped. And yes, in my head they spoke like teenagers.
No surprise, I crossed off being a nun from my list of future jobs a looong time ago.
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