Tuesday, 11 December 2012

this is a love letter

photo from here

This indeed is a love letter so if you loath these things, avert your eyes. I only want to write how you don't need a near-death experience to realise that you're lucky or to appreciate the little things in life. Accept the cliche for it is worth it.

I try to live small. To enjoy every day of my life, to take them as a gift. Often it's not easy and I find myself hoping that time (that I spend working) would go past faster so that I would get to the point when I would be more happy (weekend/holidays). But I honestly appreciate the small details, even during hard days. Like coffee, pastries, pop corn, the first bite of an apple, raw carrots...and on a non-food-related note, sunshine, my boyfriends beard, his eyes, the way he laughs and moves his hands when he talks. And now you might ask, does my life consist only on food and my man? And the answer is, for the past eight months, oh. yes.

I have been unavailable to my friends and family, distracted at work and I've been strangely kind to strangers (especially on the morning bus), because my brain has been soaked in the happy hormone. This is the period of my life I will remember forever. I give a conscious thanks to the universe every morning, day and night that I've been gifted with this experience. And I 've (thought I've) been in love before, you know. Suffered for it too, because I've (though I've) been so in love. After my last big(gish) love finished, I still managed to rise above all the stupidities that you face when a relationship ends, by being thankful that after all there were good times and that I had been capable of loving another person (not easy, you know).

But meeting the current man has taught me that all the previous experiences and feelings were only trial runs for the real thing. That it's really possible to have a connection like this with another person and that you have matching body parts that work well together. That even during moments he annoys the hell out of you, you're still able to feel the love between you.

I feel this strongly because I realise tomorrow this might be over. Because I might get run over by a bus. Or he might realise that I'm actually really boring and spend too much time on the computer and can only make one dish well (this one). Or I might decide I want to change countries and he doesn't. There might be a strange murder-suicide combo, who knows. Life is a mystery. But no matter how things go awry, I hope to maintain my good memories, to always be happy that we have shared this period of time together, we've appreciated each others company, had orgasms out of this world and that we have loved. Because the most important thing in this world is the ability to love. No shit, no cliche.

(And if there is going to be another love bigger than this one, what the hell is my brain going to do?!)

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